Monday, 19 May 2014
Cycling home from work today I nearly spawned wings and entered the spirit world......again.......happens about once a week on average. On a busy roundabout, I signal to exit and some pompus yuppie wideboy comes speeding along the junction to the side of me, he decides "I can make this, I'm not waiting a whole 2 seconds for a nob head cyclist" and slams his foot down. Yes! of course he hit me! My elbows spread out ready to sprout wings and flutter up into the clouds but as my friends will tell you these arms are no ordinary arms, just ask my friends what I look like on a dancefloor and "all elbows" is likely the kind of answer you'll get. Well lanky flailing arms may not look pretty in a nightclub but in an emergency life or death situation they are great for keeping balance. So instead of ascending to the heavens an instinctive micro-second swerve to the right stopped me getting t-boned and splattered on his bonnet and then the full elbow span opened out and incredibly kept me not only alive but up on two wheels whilst my left pedal scraped hard across both doors of his BMW GT or whatever it was. I've been meaning to do something about that really sharp metal sharded edge on my pedal, It's a shame I didn't because now he's going to have a big deep scrape all the way down the side of his car, damn it, what a bummer. As he burnt off at ridiculous speed causing the rest of the traffic to slam their brakes on I had steadied myself enough to raise my right hand high in the air and gesticulate a great big wanker sign. He saw me do it in his wing mirror..... which was nice.