Sunday, 26 January 2014

The Sunday Brain: news in brief

The Sunday Brain
Today's headlines;

Mouse makes roof collapse
A little mouse poked it's nose through the ceiling at The Cat in Nantwich last night causing chunks of ceiling to fall down and local nurse Rebecca Brand to be wound up into a nervous frenzy.  On looker John, 36, compared it to the famous screaming incident at a mouse infested restaurant in Udaipur, India, November 2012 which is often cited as the biggest international mouse situation of recent times.

Crusader Canvin keeps Crewe safe
Reports suggest that the town of Crewe is now the safest area in Britain.  Until recently Crewe was overrun with baddies and local police were struggling to cope until one boy decided to make this crime wave his own responsibility.  Vigilante Oliver Canvin, 4, has single handedly taken on and defeated most of the biggest baddies and monsters in the area over the last few months. Chief Constable David Whatton of Cheshire Constabulary holds the national portfolio for violent crime and public protection on behalf of the Association of Chief Police Officers,  during a recent press conference he admitted that without the help of Oliver and his renegade guinea pig Iron Man the police would simply not have the resources to keep track of all the monsters on the loose, he is quoted as saying "Although I don't usually condone members of the public taking the law into their own hands, I conceed that we owe a great debt to goodies like Oliver and since his emergence most of the baddies are becoming too scared to cause trouble in Cheshire let alone Crewe"
local superhero Oliver Canvin

Text a taxi
Two revellers in Nantwich on Saturday night decided to order a taxi by text message to avoid shouting down the phone in a noisy pub.  John from Crewe was unavailable to comment but did respond by email with this to say "I always dislike having to talk to people one to one, it's way too personal, texting a taxi takes all that awkward verbal interaction away"

Entertainment News
Bomber's gonna get Jah
Rumours are circulating that the enigmatic DJ BOMBER is on the verge of making another surprise double album release.  Despite the DJ's identity and whereabouts being completely unknown speculation is persisting due to a mysterious jungle reggae dub vibration being felt in the air.

2 comments:

Emma Canvin said...

Oliver's response was 'why am a blue Mummy' lol

jonny brand said...

Blue must be his superhero colour a bit like the incredible hulk being green