Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Chug Off !!!

Chugger. noun. Invasive, synthetically happy student that hassles people in town centres trying to guilt trip a signature onto a direct debit form in order to earn themselves some commission.  Derived from the phrase "charity mugger".  They are not volunteers, they get paid to do this.
charity mugger
Have you ever been caught unaware and stopped by a chugger?  You stood and listening politely but without trying to look too interested, then as soon as you could get a word in you made up an excuse like "I'm in a rush actually, I've got an appointment at the erm doct..erm bank, yeh bank".  Since that first time you've learned to spot the bright coloured anoraks of these overzealous red bull fuelled students a mile off and dodge around them as best you possibly can.  There's different ways of dealing with these pests but once you've read this you may actually look forward to the next time one of them comes bouncing over to you like a children's tv presenter because you are about to learn the chugger baiting technique.
Currently you probably use some of the following avoidance tactics;
1. Spot them ahead and simply take a wide birth
2. Decline with a polite excuse ensuring you don't stop even when they follow you trying to hug you
3. Pretend you're talking on your mobile
 4. Whizz past at speed as if your in a rush
5. Mutter "f**k off, leave me alone!".
Yes some of these may work for you but they're still getting the satisfaction of calling out to you with "Are you sure you can't spare one minute to help orphaned children?"
So, you've spotted a chugger..... here's what you do..... you walk directly towards them (bear with me here), you're smiling, you look kind and friendly and amble over slowly like you have plenty of time to chat, the chugger's eye's light up with fireworks and pound signs, the sweet smell of your account number is wafting over to them, their arms start flailing about as they shout "hey friend! come and talk to meeee!!!", but just as you get close you make no acknowledgement of their existence whatsover, you say nothing, you walk straight on gazing through that silly bright red hiking jacket as if it were a pane of glass, whatever they say even if it's abusive you didn't hear it because there is nobody there.
This time the satisfaction is all yours and as a bonus you have distracted the chugger from pouncing on other passers by too, you are a community hero! Well done! The chugger is annoyed but don't feel sorry for them because they spend all day annoying people.  Hopefully you're not naive enough to think these are caring, conscientious charity volunteers?  When you realise they are payed to annoy you and their infantile eagerness is driven by the bonus scheme provided by the agency (who also take a cut) then I think you may start to actively enjoy the sport of chugger baiting.....

yes, give to charity, but not via these leeches!
paid charity worker


The mule said...

Good advice! They are annoying bastards!

Anonymous said...

rejected direct debits cost charities a lot of money in bank charges coz people put wrong account numbers down after being pressured. chuggers r scum! they should be banned

Anonymous said...

Hi lovely I've been waiting for you in the rain all day, the chugger said. Well don't you wish you had a decent job and then you wouldn't be piss wet through! Or Hi lovely can I ask you one question.......yes you just have, bye.

jonny brand said...

haha! does anyone out there like chuggers?

Anonymous said...

Good site.